First Year of Motherhood

I don't know where to start. Motherhood is a totally different ball game. And perhaps my pregnancy was a breezy one, I naively didn't anticipate the challenges of motherhood.
To recap:
1. We had a crazy confinement lady who showed up late, left us for 3 days with a friend, bossed Malc and myself around, and left early because of a CCTV.
2. I had low breastmilk supply and had severe PPD.
3. Kayson Wee Yii Sern had jaundice for 18 weeks. 
4. I unlearnt, relearnt, and is still learning.
5. We had so much fun with Kayson.
6. We went to Shangrila Rasa Ria 3 times, Mountain Valley once, Shangrila KL once and Bunga Raya resort once. 
7. We went back to see family in KL for 3 weeks and he walked there.
8. I restarted with Hopes with a minimal role. I don't know how I juggle a full-time job, being a mother, fully breastfeeding Kayson, and handle Hopes. I have the best friendships and work relationships up to this point of life, making it possible, I guess. And up to now, I have had 5 different domestic helpers. And Malc works half day from home. 
9. I call nearly daily to mama - after becoming a mama myself, I think we got closer. And she's so so important to my mental sustenance. 
10. I realised Malc is the best partner for me.
11. I recently in the last two months, managed to watch one movie, Squid Game, Money Heist Part 5 and  started reading one book (in Chinese) lol

I kept wanting to come back to write here, and kept putting it off, until just now when I cuddled Kayson to nap, and thought I'd better come and write down how I feel about being a mother before I forget it all. 

Kayson, you are such a beautiful baby. You are wonderful to care for. You are loving and you seems really kind. And you do have a big personality - adventurous, daring, outgoing and very persistent. 
You love human interactions, you give kisses to even animals in your books. And you are so smart. You remember things we didn't think you would. And you manage to charm so many people into loving you. 

Your papa is so strong, so kind, so patient, and I think you takeover all these qualities from him. And you also took some from me, the adventurous, daring part, I supposed. Back to your papa who loves us so much and does so well in caring for us. Making sure we are ok, at all times. Making sure I have the freedom to decide what I want to do for us. And that's how we manage on, everyday, the three of us to be three happy human beings. 

There are days that are more challenging, there are days when I let work stress get to me and affect my mood. And these are times that I've got to keep being honest to self-reflect and be more patient, with the ever-changing situation, letting go, letting things be, and be more forgiving to myself. And always, your papa, is there to forgive me, to wait for me to come around. Always so kind and patient, and so calm in weathering through the thunderstorm I throw his way. And always, you are there, with your sparkly eyes and charming smile and funny antics, to remind me that it's going to be ok. That you are a happy baby. That it is all worth it. 

Thank you Papa and Kayson. 
I love you both so much.