I'm a tough cookie not because I want to.
Because if I break down who's there to put back the broken pieces?

a little more heart
a little less head

a litte more open
a little less cautious

Sometimes, I'm amazed. I'm amazed by the audacity in me to act totally random.
Many around me told me that they are baffled by my courage, my boldness.
But goodness me, I don't think that boldness and blind bravery is gonna get me anywhere far.
More than once, I've regretted acting on impulse.
Lucky me I'm still in my twenties, I wonder what's it gonna be like when I'm in my thirties. More or less the same me I suppose.

My new year resolution was to use this whole year to grow up, to prepare myself for the world, the working society.
Somehow that's not working too well.
I'm so loving the me that still acts kiddish. The me that's still "kekekeke" happy and well most of the time sampat.

Arrrrrr. When am I suppose to grow up?

What I miss most right now is the twinkling sea of stars where I can see em' only back in Chendering.

I'm learning everyday to be less judgemental and more thankful to have angels sent into my life to beautify it.

It is antonishing how rare beauty and purity wins over in a world so brutally realistic.

Thank You, you, you, you, you and you and you for always being there.

I was in the subway on Sunday morning heading to kbs.
Life has been super hectic lately with experiments in the lab, team projects, exams and shootings, and job hunting. The stress just piled up higher and higher, and maybe because I was sick, and I didn't go home this winter (when everybody did), didn't celebrate all the special days with my love ones, and all the most important people in my life is there, and because I didn't get to eat all the food I wanna eat, and I don't get to hug my dog...
I was overwhelmed with emotions. Homesickness.

And let me tell you people. This is when we overseas students grow up.
And YES. It still happens after six years.
And YES. I know I'm god damned lucky I'm here.
And YES. I'm thankful for everything I've already got.

The thing is when you don't get to share special moments with your family. You miss birthdays, anniversaries, everything.
When you just can’t be there, when you’re needed.
When you have to conceal what you're actually feeling to them.
When you try to convince yourself that it is all for the better.
When you're sorry but you know if you tell them you are, it would make them feel worse.

And when you hear your parents telling you they are learning to "let go", it is heart wrenching.
And when you look around and see all your peers (the Korean friends) going back "home", you just feel this pang of jealously. Seriously.

In that subway, what I saw was a girl, my age with her mom.
Her mom was trying to feed her something and she pushed her mom's hand away. Certainly not ill-manneredly, just a little frustrated maybe. I do that to mummy too sometimes, but at that point of time, I was so madly jealous of how blissful the whole picture looked to me and I tried to look away, I tried to calm myself down but the babi tears just sprung outta my eyes.

Those Korean ajoshi ajumma must think I'm crazy or that I just went through a bad break up or whatever bah. Thank goodness I was only two stops from my destination.

Babi bad mood but I'm all good now.
Bye.
Thanks for reading up to here.
I admire your patience.

I need a break from being perfect.

남자친구 있어?
없어.
왜?
왜가 없어.
눈 돼개높네~
-_- 아니야...

Another one conversation like that and I'm gonna flip.
Even my mom is worried that I'll turn into a spinster. :(
I'm only 23 this year.