Where do I start?

It's been so long since I last wrote here. Perhaps I'm back here because I've nowhere else to go to.

What happened since the last time I was here?

I made a choice to come back home. I'll give you a hundred of reasons to that as front-line answers, go into government policies on immigrants and racial tolerance etc to convince you and myself that it's a correct decision.

And if I'm more honest about it. And more proud of my decision, I'd have to admit - I came back for Malc. I'm not the proudest to admit I came back because I fell in love, because I'm also a cynic that believes everything diminishes with time. Including love.

What happened since then?

My career took a really big step back. For the first year, I worked for a small size local property magazine. I was suddenly working with the mass and realised in my life, I was privilege enough to have always been in that top 5% rung, be it in education or workplace - Korea Univ, Hyundai and SCMP and I was for the first time, out of that 5% bubble and was forced to be adapting to dealing with the other 85% and I was humbled by my surroundings.

How does it feel?

It feels weird and conflicting. Suddenly I am now placed on a pedestal when on an international level, I was considered average.

What to do about it?

Play along with it. And I try my best to encourage and give confidence to those who came to me seeking help to see the possibilities and opportunities outside of Sabah.

How do you come to now?

Now? I feel worthless and abandoned. Not by Malc. He's wonderful.
I feel worthless and abandoned by the people in my previous life and current life. I feel like I'm caught between a limbo - I no longer are on the level of those in my previous life. And at the same time, try as I may, I'll never feel 100% in tune with those in my current life.

What to do about it?

Try to adapt. I'm allowing myself to cry (sometimes, well, it's more than sometimes) and continue to try. After all growth happens only when I put myself outside of my comfort zone.
And like I once declared - I'm quite addicted to that.