Funny how I sounded so happy in the last post.
It has been ages since I wrote anything. Been too busy to even stop and think.
I hope I won't regret my decision staying back here (honestly a place I don't even like) to work. And I don't have a timeline how long I'm going to work here.

This trip back to Malaysia, I feel like I'm missing out so much not being around. And at the same time, I feel like I cannot just go back with nothing. Of course there are people to go back to. Family and friends. However, I have built so much here and it is hard to just leave and go back to there starting out from zero all over again.

As much as I like my independence, my freedom, and the feeling that I'm in control of everything around me, I constantly feel the lack of warmth, sincerity and pure kindness around me.
I'm tired of having to be cautious around people, doubting their words and suspecting their ulterior motives. I'm tired of feeling that I need to protect myself.

I don't know how this year is going to turn out but I certainly hope it will be a good one.

Hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe.

Please forgive me, I'm just kinda happy and I feel like I wanna jump and spin and dance. Thank goodness I can't do cartwheels, I will do em' if I can.

hehehehehehehehehehehehehehhehehehehehehehehehe.

Enough of giggling. I suppose I have to behave like a grown up now.

Considering I'm gonna start work soooooooon and I'm hoping for something wonderful. A girl can be SO GREEDY!
kekekekekekekekkekekee.

Okay! Seriously.

Goodnight world! <3

I just did something really silly.
I went to facebook and changed my status from single to being in a relationship.
With who? I typed my own name, click on myself and then press save!

And facebook told me this..
You cannot create a relationship with yourself.

Sometimes it's fun to just create nonsense because I'm young and I'm allowed to do so.

I know it's too early for a 'New Year Resolutions' list but I have always wanted one. I never had one because I know I'm a sucker at keeping promises to myself.

Next year, in 2011, I shall turnover a new leaf and be nicer to myself. I'm already nice to myself. I don't know what I'm writing either.

There's so much I want, so.. I decided on creating my 1st list!

1. Busan for a lot of fishy food. 5 years in Korea and I've never been there. Shame on me.
2. Mongolia. Bilguun promised he would let me ride a horse!
3. Japan again, for a lot of fishy food too.
4. Shanghai because I love China!
5. A nice cozy place of my own with a proper wardrobe. Preferably a walk-in one. I will create one!
6. Nice nice working attires. ^.~
7. Maybe a dancing machine.
8. A new phone when the current's contract ends.
9. A scooter? My erke will kill it and dump it into hangang.
10. A partner if possible.
OK BYE WORLD

Lately, it feels like I've been constantly fighting for everything that I desire for.

Getting a little tired of all the stress I pile on myself and trying to let myself go out of control for a bit.

Learning to let go of things, and some people.

In dire need of stability.

Recap....

January, After Gisoo's farewell, I finally got some time to just do whatever I like since I was alone when everybody's away. I was still on the show and it was all good. Most memorable time of the month would be my solo skiing trip. Also, helped Ah yong hit on my bestie. :p

Febuary, Made a fool out of myself, crying on air. I was terribly homesick feeling sorry I didn't go back for CNY. At the end of the month, papa mama koko ziying and nai nai came for a week. It was the best time of the year. \^^/

March, Welcoming back the old faces and the new semester started. The show ended for good. Our house's boiler burst in the middle of the night and flooded our house. Also went to Samcheok for the rail-bike shooting with Euphracia, Marie-yon and Tzabarit.

April, Graduation picca shooting. I don't know how we were able to fit the shooting in considering this was one of the most torturous crazy semester. I also had to do experiments for the whole semester. Lucky me to have a very kind onni who helped me with my experiment in Prof. Kim Jong Yeob's lab.

May, I think the spring semester was the craziest ever. Was stressed out with my major and everything else. Was looking for an internship too. Somehow still had time to hang out with the e&e eng peeps.

June, Got done with finals and headed to China!!! A bizarre crazy beautiful, unexpected journey. Made me fall in love with the chinese culture for the first time in my life. <3

July, Back to Malaysia, Taewoo, Minjae, Ssol came over to Malaysia and laiyee and I showed them around KL. Next up, home sweety home with extremely good food. Was away from home exactly a year, felt like a decade to me. Dear old puffy is as cute as ever. <3

August, Pascal Dior turned up in Kuala Terengganu Aiport. Spent an awesome week in Redang Island, my childhood paradise. Much has changed after 7 years. Also met up Koko, ziying and with Jane and co. in KL.

September, Found myself back in South Korea with the new Autumn Semester and a freaking mouldy yucky house. Was homesick because I wanted a comfy life and more holidays! hehehe. Renovated our house, had a rooftop bbq, meals with korean family and the ko-yon games.

Also, finally was able to fit Deutsch into my timetable. End of September, come Jane's visit to Korea.

October, Yuni was in Seoul for three weeks. Sent Taewoo off to Canada and at this point of time, I was stressed out with job seeking. Faced so many failures that juggled me out of my dreams and put me in gear to get a job. Attended Eva's beautiful wedding and met up with Marie-yon and Abi doing the Get it Beauty show and after that had some fun together. :)

November, Been going for job interviews and keeping my fingers crossed for a great job. Annual dinner, a great reminder to how 85 people grew up together into different individuals in the space of 5 and a half years. Also, Shin's leaving back to China.. TT

December, Koko & Ziying's wedding is just around the corner. Everything about the next crucial step in my life shall be finalize. And also I will be celebrating my 23 birthday. ^^

xoxo, recap shall continue.
~tatas

Maybe it is me not being able to grow up at the ripe age of 22.

I hate it when I'm forced to accept the fact that not everybody is as kind.

And to stop expecting people to be kind.

I hate it when I'm forced to grow up, to harden up towards life.

I know I should have known better but it just is to hard to accept.

and I as much as I want to change myself to be just one of them, there's just a part of me that keeps telling me to not stop quit believing in the best in others.

I'm gonna face the society real soon. I'm looking forward to the challenges. I know life is not all rainbows and fairytales.

I shall pick myself up every single time I fall, put on a smile and live prettily.

Q: You seemed like a happy-go-lucky person. How do you cope with stress and challenges that you face in your life in Korea?

A: Well, yes, I might be happy-go-lucky but that is because I chose to be so. I don't like to bow down to the amount of stress piled on me and show it to people around me. Sometimes, when I had really really bad day and nothing goes well, at the end of the day, all I can do is to force myself to smile or laugh. It might sound a little crazy but it really helps.