Call me a cry baby,
I tear when I quarrel with someone,
I tear when erke said something really hurtful,
I tear when I quarrel with my erke,
I tear when the door was slammed in my face,
I tear when my chair broke down,
I tear when I received another no, another disappointment,
I tear when my phone got banged up,
I tear when my koko told me I got my mom upset, sitting on the sofa at 5am worrying about me,
I tear when my koko told me he love me,
I tear when I'm blogging.
Instead of being cool-headed, I tear, when I'm alone.

Call me crazy, call me emo, call me 'lack of attention', call me freak. I just can't help it.

Always thought my eldest koko don't really give a damn about me, just treating me like a kid.
Always thought my second erke really give a rats ass about me, treating me like someone with a brain.
Now,
It's totally the opposite. My koko trust me to make decisions, he guides, he tells me, but never did he instruct me.

My erke, I always thought of him closer to me than anybody on earth would ever be. I thought the world of him. And I know he loves me.
But he does not show me the respect that I deserve, and he thinks that me blogging here is an 'uncool' thing. Thinking that I should cut my ties with some people that he considers as 'nerds'. And when I do things 'my way' and if it displeases him. He stash out and put me down, in front of everyone, almost anyone. I guess he still don't know that his lil pet sister is starting to have a mind of her own. A life of her own. And it is time to respect the decisions I make. But, I'm not saying I'm all grown up and mature, because I did let my anger get the better of me. And I did make my mom stay up worrying about me. And I'm not proud of that. And I just wish she knows how sorry I am.

My koko, being the eldest, played his part real well in this whole scenario,
With him, u gotta just cut the crap and make him understand your situation, that's all. You gotta stop all the bitching and complains. Because he is just a really cool person. Cool but never cold.
And he offer not much comforting words. Just a few small advice coated with the 'f-word', maybe to express his authority as the eldest? =P
But if u read between the lines, u may feel the unseen care and love there.
And when you tell him you love him. He totally melts even though he does not show it.
It's just that I can feel it. And I know u gonna read this. Just admit it, your darling lil sis has her ways to make you adore her despite her being a noisy, hard-headed brat.
He ends his conversation with asking me to take care (cooly). But little did he know that he just made me tear again.

Love ya, ALL.