I never even once write about "him" or even mentioned "him" in my blog although "he" was a big part of my life...
It was just like that... Cut-Clean-Done
Yes, it's true that I was the one who wanted to end the whole thing *heartlessly* but that doesn't mean that I get hurt lesser or I heal faster. I'm not a person that can hide my emotions well but for some reason just this time I put up strong face and just shurgged everything off, go out, and play.
But...
At the same time... Whenever I finally have the time to sit down alone... The same ghostly feeling surrounded me... That was the time when I really hated myself for being so weak, for letting myself indulge in self-pity, for wanting to know how's "he" doing, for letting myself looking back at emails, photos etc. It was really so damn pathetic! I tried letting myself cry as much as I like, I tried talking to others about it but that damnned feeling just won't go away. So I put all those into my drawings. I got better as time pass but whenever something bad happen to me, my emotions will just fall... to somewhere negative?... and I will once again draw, draw and draw stupid stuff.
Because of "him" I let myself indulge in self-pity and I decoratED my wall with these...

These are a few "pathetic" ones...
I get to draw them properly only when I'm in real "down" mode...




I drew the "scissors" one two days ago 15 minutes before going to my class, I left that one on my desk and when I when I got back home and was about to include it into one of those "pathetic" ones...
I saw another drawing just underneath it...

Another "HE" drew this and included this...
"You can either just see ugly dirty strokes of pencil or rather choose to find something better than that, something much more prettier, warm or sweet... Not gloomy dirty strokes on a simple plain piece of paper. Life is too colourful and short to be wasted in darkness and boredom.. I prefer to choose colours..."Tired of seeing his one and only sister draw zombie-like-stuff...
"HE" flipped over a few pieces and boldly changed my wall into this ^ ^...

"HE" can be as stupid and as idiotic as a pig and mock me, bully me, smack-down me etc!!!!... but sometimes when "HE" cares about me, "His" small actions can really touch me to tears... ( okay, i know this sentence sounds very super gay =.=")
p/s: "he" and "HE" are both important people in my life. This post wasn't written to blame "him" it's purely about how I feel. Anyway, I'm starting to stay positive because I dont wanna stay a gay my whole life =P
Thanks to those who care...
fcuka..wat bout me?! you UNHOLY bugger..AM i not important?! AND wat bout papa & mama?! Aren't they not important too? Dun forget ah: NO PBT's sperm + LSH's Ovum = NO PKI hahahahahhahahahaahah.......