If you are around me a lot, you would have noticed I have always worn a ring around the middle finger on my left. It was given by erke when he first got the offer to go over to Korea and he decided to buy me a gift before he left. We were little and kinda cute (we still are) and I was telling him I want a ringgggg! That's the only accessory I didn't have back then.

So, he got me a ring and told me to take it off only when my boyfriend finally buys me one ring that really matters. The first ring broke after two years (maybe because it was a cheap one :P ) and I bugged him to get me a new one. And at 18, he got me another ring and I've been wearing it till today.

After all these years, erke did asked me to take it off once, a few months ago but that didn't happen because I was stubborn and wanted to piss him off badly. I guess he was a little frustrated and worried that I'm not seeing anybody for such a long time. xD
And I did consider making a wish upon it and throwing it into the deep blue sea, but that didn't happen either, because the analytical part of me told me that would be a tad too foolish.

I've worn a ring since I was 16 and all of a sudden, halfway through dinner, I slipped it off and put it around my neck.
I dunno what triggered that.

I haven't dated anybody in awhile. And awhile = Almost a year?
Fine. I know I got very fail. I know, I know... I just can't help it. It just happened.
Sorta like, I settled into this 'single' life phase and get so used to it that it feels so hard to let another person into my life.

Maybe I'm just obsessively self-centered that I don't like sharing my life;
or maybe I somehow succeed in psyching myself into being so busy that I don't feel desperate for love;
or maybe because I spend most of my life in South Korea and there's no 'right' person there;
or maybe nobody can accept my temperamental and crazy antics;
or maybe there's too many girl-friends (usually attached themselves) promoting singledom;
or maybe seeing so many other girl-friends pondering about breaking ups, I'm just timidly cautious of another broken relationship,
and also maybe, I'm too sketchy about playing 'the game'.

Okay, okay, I know I'm pretty good with giving uber many justifications for my incompetency in this part of my life.
-____-

A lot of you reading this may practically be able to smell the desperation through what I've just written above. However, before you (whether single and happy being single, single and playing the game, attached and supports singledom, looking but deny your desperation) snort in disgust and x the page, consider that I am 23 and haven't been dating for 'awhile'.
And, there's just no 'right' person around.

Gahhh!!!!!!! I don't think there's a 'right' person. The 'right' person will be there when I stop analyzing and am ready to let someone into my life. Which haven't been happening because I gear back every single time blocking everyone out.

I guess I would love to have a taste of having a special somebody and that is why I slipped that ring off that finger; even though it feels kinda weird not being able to spin it with my thumb. And I couldn't help throwing a few glances at the mark left by the band after so many years.
I guess I could get used to that...



...pretty soon.

Despite not looking forward to......
parade in a bikini beside a person with perfect abs.

Right now, pki is
looking forward to......

having alot of sun on a white soft sandy beach.
Wadding in the turquoise blue water and looking up into the clear blue sky.

It has been eight years since I last set foot there.
This time going back as a tourist, I wonder how it is going to be like, my childhood paradise...
<3

Updates on my first week in Korea Univ.

Woooo hooo!! I shall never need to say, "I'm studying in dytc on scholarship but I'm going to Korea Univ next year."

Whatever dytc is the place mr. you graduated so it's a great place too. -_________-

ahahahahahahahaha. Whatever, I think I'm just so freaking tired I'm blabbing. Thanks for reading up to here but it's not gon get more interesting so you can x my page right now.

Wait wait.
I think I'm missing ms. gan.
Oh btw.
Korea Univ is huge.......compared to dytc. My legs long for a massage every single nite. -_____-

and. dunno. I still don't wanna grow up.

and. I hate goodbyes.

really hate goodbyes T.T

You know why I hate winter?

It's the time when everyone leaves and the world feel so cold. so cold. so cold.

I love you people. <3
Really love you people.

Sometimes I wish we all do not have to grow up, so we won't have to learn how to part, how to hurt, how to be strong, how to compete.
I wish...
To be able to stay in a moment, the moment when things are so perfect, hearts are so pure, and inside out, there's nothing but warmth and honesty.
>_
Still like what taysueyen once asked me, "Have you ever wondered, if there's gotta be more than life?"

Yes, I do, I often do.
But I also want perfect moments in life to just remain, to just stay where it is. That precise moment. To savor it, to indulge in it, to keep my sanity.
Still, I know that is considered as greed.
May it all be wonderful memories to be locked up in our hearts.

Me <3 you people!

Feel like drawing, something that means something to anybody.
But tomorrow got classes and exam. -_-"

oh btw, waiting suxs big time.

Today I learned that, "No matter how pretty you are, what is coming out of your mouth counts".
Complaining is alright, but when the complains turn nasty.....
Imagine a pretty girl, like pretty real pretty and cute complaining and she still looks kinda cute.
And the moment she gets the hang of complaining, words like "that horny bitch", "she's uglyyyy, face like shit, like 10 days didn't shit that kind of shit", "I think she'll die a spinster", "no wonder so old d still don't have boyfriend" etc.
That really got me woahhhhh, I went totally speechless and kept my silence because I have totally no idea what to say anymore.
Those stuff has absolutely no connection with what she's complaining, it is like attacking others personally.
And I seriously think those stuff she was complaining about weren't that big of a deal.
I just couldn't tell it straight to her face right in front of so many audience. And I don't have the guts to tell her personally, why bring up the past and spoil the day rite?

And well, it downed me that my koko and erke were right whenever they scolded me if my words get way to harsh or attacky. Those stuff really make a person ugly.

Exams, done.
Had tonnes of plans before and during exam period, but oddly enough.
Right now, just right now. I don't feel like going anywhere but to stay in my little room, keep it tidy, clean out my closet, wash my sheets, clear all the papers, get a good sleep and get this done..

Personally thinks that this is quite nice but I guess it will never be up to my dad and my brothers' standard.
Did and will put much effort into it, so please if there's something somehow wrong with it tell me nicely nah.. ^^ I will correct it. :)

I may not be the same, I may do things differently, think differently, I may have an ignorant strong believe in karma and I may seem really gullible to you.
I know I'm stubborn and I have out of ordinary habits, I do things spontaneously, I let my emotions get the better of me, and thus cause more problems for myself whilst caring too much.

Everyone have their moments when they doubt themselves. Maybe you do really have such a strong character you never doubted yourself for a fraction of a second but that is freaking You.
That certainly doesn't make you more superior or freaking better at handling life, and that doesn't give you the authority to judge me, to crush my confidence and faith.

If you can't stop judging me, then freaking back off and get on with your own life, your way.
I will change in time, to be a stronger person, a more self centered person, to be a faker person, to be a person who can survive the world the crooked way. I will, when the time comes.

It is just not right now. I'm not ready to be a person who insist upon something I want and turn a blind eye at others' feelings. I still want to care about the people around me. I still want to believe and focus on the good in everybody. I'm still the person who have my thoughts written all over my face. I'm still working on keeping my dreams big, although they're shrinking as I learn more about this world.

But believe me,
I'm still working, working on building the invisible barrier ah pek lua exasperatedly asked me to.
Working on being less gullible and more seng muk.
Working on the art of twisting sentences and telling half-truths.

I'm beginning to have trust issues with some people, I now know where to draw the line and how to lash back when someone pushes my limit.
And, I know when to back off when I sense the insincerity in a person.
All in all, I learned to care less.
But that is not the person I wanted to be when I started out in this world. Sometimes I do feel lost, as in whether I should follow suit and adopt a stronger character, I know I could if I want to.
But I never wanted to.

So stop it with all the judging stuff. I may face more obstacles on the way, but when I reach the final destination, I shall look back and tell myself, "I did everything MY way, and I along the journey, I did well." and I'm sure I'll be alright if sometimes people do take advantage of me.

Afterall, doing the haughty I'm-so-cool-and-gorgeous walk will never work out for me, deep down inside, I know I'm still the champion in climbing a cherry tree to very the top branch, and I guess I'm unique just that way. My way, not yours.

I seriously think that I'm a very very very good girl.
Like a perfectly good girl....
Please don't disagree with me or I'll be very very very sad.
:)
:)
:)
Apart from being a very very very good girl, I think I'm almost close to retard.
Please don't disagree with me, but I know you people won't cz this post proves it all.
:)
:)
:)
I am also good at wasting my time, considering this post totally belongs to the rubbish bin and I'm still typing. It's all because I have nine exams crammed into a week.
:)
:)
:)
To be precise, 5 days from now.
:)
:)
:)
You are a very very very good, but retarded person and you love wasting your time. I hope you don't swear after reading what I just typed because you are very very very good.
:)
:)
:)
You are just retarded to be reading up to here, and it is a total waste of your precious time.
:)
:)
:)
You still keep reading....! ^^v You're just very very very good to care so much about me....
:)
:)
:)
*Touched, Touched*
Thankiuuuuu! *Deep curtsy*

What happened yesterday, leave it.
What happened today, bear with it.
What happens tomorrow, deal with it.

So, obviously nobody enjoyed "shy that way" since there's ZERO comments!!!!!!!!!!! ha. ha.
Predicted lah. Afterall ah kong, laiyee, viona told me, "You listen to dead songs." -_-
Uh, whatever, that will be the first and last time I share my songs with you guys =P
Hm, life is a bliss when you just throw away the books, sip half glass of wine, blog some crap and listen to "shy that way" and "我不配" by Jay Chou. taysueyen was like freaking amazed when she saw my stat msg playing this Jay Chou song. He.he.
Yeah, this is the first and only chinese song that got me replaying and I don't get bored with it. Dunno la why, nice neh.... ^^

Hmm, btw tsy, I did sound super relax just now when I was chatting with you because I AM relaxing ma. You just didn't get to see the part when I was studying my ass off in the library after my 10am~9pm classes. With my specty on, and hair tied up, cups of 100 won coffee on my deskI was seriously so unflattering. - - Last minute idiot. ><

K.. time to hit the sack. Mwahhh!!! world, I love you guys. <3
Err.. This post is super shit, sorry ar.. to any of you who read up to here and feel like I've wasted your precious time. he.he. xP
Seng muk abit, next time see labeled "Gibbering" then u gotta expect some crap from me nah.
Mwaah..
Zzzz. btw, koko I know you read my blog cz you love and miss me, and p/s my room is not like a storeroom!!!!!!! ><""

My little dream, if my big one doesn't come true...

A pink classic scooter + pink half shell helmet.
Just imagine , me in sexy short shorts and singlet. Then I get to go vroom vroom at the seaside there.. Waa ^^ Total bliss!
Miss miss me home.... miss miss me sea breeze!

Pink geli apek.

Dont worry I won't wear a pink shirt and some pink converse shoe when vroom-vrooming in my pink scooter.


Yeah!!! ^.~v
uh.. I miss malaysia neh..

Bad post, skip reading if you want to...

Woke up at freaking 5.00am after like 4 hours of sleep to do my last revision for that freaking 6pm maths exam. See, dunno since when I started to be so unprepared and freak out when it comes to exams. SHIT. Total shit.
Me wasted yesterday doing nothing in my 4 meters square room because I was homesick. Like really homesick. I guess that is excusable if you wake up to see outside keep on drizzling. drizzling. drizzling. -______- Makes people so sad lar shit.
Me hope I'm not so stressed out lah.. Suppose to be happy happy one ma this sem, afterall it's dongyang I'm studying in. Next year, ganjunqi when I enter KU, I think I might hang myself. I guess I really am tired of seeing those freaking(I so feel like using F*cking-__-) korean words. I so wish to just jet off to somewhere else. Jet off go homeeee.....
Don't like to buat emo emo in my this blog larrr... -_______-

Okay, I guess I should stay positive and happy!!! ^^ :) :D xD *^.~*
Shouldnt grumble la right...... So many less fortunate ppl in this world. Me kira what?!! Kira what?.... Me kira so damned lucky d lar. So many love and care for me..
Go khay inn! Go khay inn! Fighting!!!!!!!!! I'm like practically cheering for myself at 5.40am, sicko khay inn. :)

EJ,Today I made effort.
By sleeping during my 3 hrs break... ha.ha.
And I was able to concentrate in maths class. So, here I am shouting to the world, "Me understand everything in maths class today lah!!!!!!" wakakkaaka. The feeling is so nice. Like I accomplished something.
Lately I'm so academic and responsible I feel like I gotta get a life. Imagine me turning down a day to chill out with Junqi cause I was baby-sitting. And the last time I got out of Geocheok(the place I stay) is like 2 weeks ago. 2 weeks..... -_- Wah..

Anyway, life is still good. Today my korean maths teacher made me like him more by introducing two english songs to us, Elvis Presley's In the Gettho and Eric Clapton's Wonderful Tonight. Ps:/I heard xiangxing singing along!!!!! Shit... I was stifling a laugh so hard!!!! akakkakakaa! I hope he'll nvr ever stumble upon my blog. *fingers crossed*

Something I read somewhere makes me wanna ask you a question. You, the whoever you are reading this post.
"How do you see your life?"
Right now, I see mine as an adventure.
One great adventure I'm sharing with all the people I love. A spinning adventure with ups and downs not knowing what will happen the next second.

And, something my lecturer told us today. Indulge in your dreams, speak of it, and strive for it.
When you do so, everything will fall into place, and your dreams will come true.
Suddenly the so so so biiiiig dream of mine came rushing back into my head. I do not speak of much cause it really sounds too silly for a 20 year-old girl. But right now, it's expanding again, larger than anything. How I wish it will come true someday.
And so, "Do you have a dream? One that you think it might be impossible to achieve?"

Some good things about Korea...

Strawberries are cheapppppppppp!!! he.he.he. Seriously two boxes of strawberries for RM 12. Wahhhh. heavenly! Me downing one box d right now. Yummm..~
Now spring d ma.. My favorite season of the year! lalala. Go go chilly monstrous cold wind and stupid bulky-ever-so-ugly winter clothes. Come come shorts, come come skirts, come come sandals, come come sleeveless tops. Wakakaka. Go go cold unhappiness, Come come warm happiness! *^^*

It's now raining out there, changing season ma hor, bear with the rain abit lah.. ^^
Seeing that the temperature on my yahoo weather widget thingy's going up everyday, hmm~ gets me *high*!!! High not in a way that I'm on crack or what.. Getting my terms right, my spirits get high! And planning my summer backpacking tour with laiyee gets me *higher*!!

Current rough summer plans,
Seoul, Incheon -> Tianjin (24 hrs by ship)
Tianjin -> Beijing -> Suzhou -> Shanghai -> Hangzhou -> Guangzhou -> Hanoi -> Cambodia -> Phuket -> MALAYSIA! mwah mwah mwah me homeland!
Tour-&-Rush to save $$$, Gonna reach msia in hopefully 3 weeks time with a very tanned face(papa will surely not like it, but nvm na.. hor..?) and sore butt from train-hopping.

Oh, a happy pic of us! The most recent me(in crappy go-to-school winter wear) with miss boozy(all dolled up on her 23rd birthday), stolen frm ganjunqi's blog.

Stop drinking d lah! ha.ha.

ps: I'm so well rested and happy I don't think any amount of rain can dampen my spirits right now.. hmm.. Contended khayinn is filled up with strawberries.. ^^v

SHIT,
I don't behave like I'm 21.
I'm 21 world!
I'm 21!

There's a tide,
of nothingness,
to get a message across.
It's empty, it's meaningless.

Playing with words.
It might mean nothing to some,
it should be something to nothing.
It comes and goes. Real quick.
And it no longer means anything.

Letting go, is never an easy thing to do.
But when the time comes, we just gotta do it.


I've almost always get anything I've wanted.
Letting go was never an option for me to choose.

Now,
I'm letting go of something I almost had but will never have.
Just felt like I can't stand another 'no', and because of that I don't really feel the need to move on.
Gotta stop being protected by people around me, and learn to live life the hard way.

Ever survived more than 24 hours without your mouse?
And expecting another 24 hours without it?
Thanks to god-damnit ah kong who said, "Just use your keyboard lah..." lazily I should add and left! I've waited whole nite for my mouse and now I needa wait till morning to get a new mouse 'myself'!
Lets not focus on that idiot's idiotic behavior. He seriously doesn't deserve to be mentioned in my blog!

Anyway, the good thing is...
I never knew I could do so much with my keyboard!!!
Seriously my keyboard can work wonders. Ok, laugh your heads off at me, the biggest computer dummy, the one that dunno how many drives they are in my computer, the one that don't know how to burn a CD, the one that dunno how to use bit comet. ergh!

Hell, yeah I'm a computer dummy!
But guess what? Today I discovered that 'tab, ctrl, alt, F1~F12', and other ridiculous keys that I've never used can work wonders! Really!
HAH! You see, I can even post something in my blog without my mouse!
*Smirk smirk* khay inn is smart! ^.~

Ok, now back to my damned maths I guess.

I'm waiting for my hair to grow.
I'm not complaining about my short hair, I've got dozens telling me that I look good in it. Although most of my friends actually like the long haired, sweet and demure khay inn.
So, I'm waiting for it to grow.
To grow reaaaaaaal long so that I can have this.

Ok, maybe the colour won't be blond. Just a lil brownish red I suppose.
But try imagining it and give me some comments.^^
Peyton Sawyer roxxxxxxss!!